Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Pregnancy Diaries: Scary Dudes and Bananas

I took a detour on the way home from Gina's tonight (we hung out w/ her niece Emma and played dress up!) I stopped at the beloved 24 hour Hy-Vee to pick up some veggie oil for another round of delish out-of-the-box muffins and, after parking in "my" spot (Reserved for New or Expecting Mothers spot, which seems to always be open - thank you for being honest customers at Hy-Vee), I half waddled, half walked up to the entrance of the store. (Man, was that just the LONGEST run-on sentence EVER or what?)

As I neared the automatic door, (which I appreciate more and more lately when my hubby's not around to do Door Duty for me) this scary dude with a low brimmed gray hat wondered out and basically brushed up against my shoulder. Ok, ok, he didn't exactly touch me, but he was WAY in my bubble and I felt quite alarmed by his closeness. And that was it. I know, not a very good climax to my story, huh? It just got me thinking about what I would do if he did decide to steal my purse and run or kidnap me or something. I'm not super paranoid, but I did take a women's self-defense class once and one of the lessons was about preparing yourself mentally for what you might do in a situation like that, which will make it more likely that you'll respond quickly and ward of any Scary Dude. So, in mentally preparing myself for such a time as that, I imagined this as I was walking into the store:

My keys are already conveniently in my hand, ready to strike, so I knock him in the nose with my keys and stun him, then elbow him in the gut, bringing him to the ground. I give him a little kick to the ribs and pull him by his collar into the entrance of the store where everyone is in awe at this pregnant woman bringing this criminal under her control. I beam while I turn him over to the managers and dust off my hands. I hear sirens and smile contentedly while I make my way to the Baking aisle to fetch my Vegetable Oil. The End.

After imagining all of that, how could I be afraid? Ha!

I think that class paid off. ;)

Now, onto the Banana part of my Hy-Vee Adventure

I still haven't lost my insatiable desire for fruit. Since the beginning of my and Josefine's journey together, it's all that's ever really satisfied. Mmmm, fruit. It all started at Gina's when her sister Jenn gave their one-year-old a banana to gnaw on. But, I was hooked at Hy-Vee when, as I was on my way out with my veggie oil, I noticed, from a distance, someone checking out with a beautiful bunch of perfectly yellow bananas. "Tempting," I thought. "But, I can wait." Just then a woman walked by in a bright yellow shirt and printed on the front of it was the word "BANANAS." I'm not kidding you. That pretty much did it for me. I swung a sharp left and found myself in the produce section skimming out the perfect bunch of bananas for me and Josefine. I am enjoying one of those bananas as I type. Now, this got me to thinking. Hy-Vee is one of my favorite places to shop. I know they aren't the super-cheapest in town, but they have some seriously friendly hello-sayin' people that work there...and oh, yes...the parking spot. But, they must have some kind of marketing thing going on where they send their associates onto the floor wearing hypnotizing t-shirts. Like maybe a green tie-dyed shirt that says in big letters on it "WATERMELON!" or a plain white t-shirt that says "MILK and EGGS!" If that wasn't their plan, they should do it. I would work with at least one of their customers. Yours truly.


Gina said...

Ha! You crack me up. Seriously.

HonorMommy said...

:-D... There is a flaw to your shirt theory...bananas tend to be the cheapest fruit there is--if they are going to market something they should market Ugli Fruit! :-P

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