Faith, I've realized these past 3 weeks, is exhausting. I mean, I've had to excercise faith for a certain circumstance before, and everyday, we live by faith. But, lately...I've been taken to a completely new level of faith. Like...faith bootcamp...or something. It's strenuous.
Perhaps I can look back to other trying times in my Christian experience, and realize how it was physically tiring to go through that...actually, I can...and I shouldn't be surprised, but it's been so long...and here I am again, in the thick of it. Thankful for the blessing it is...causing me to need God...to lean on Him. Oh, and I'm so thankful I have Him to lean on. He knows my frame, that it is dust. I need Him when I'm so, so, very tired...and even more so when I think I'm strong!
At the beginning of this new journey of faith, I thought "Hey, this isn't so bad...I mean, faith is faith...you trust God." I knew that in my mind, but my spirit would soon catch up and feel the rigor of hardcore, constant faith. After two weeks had passed. Two weeks of waiting, praying, wondering, hoping...I was feeling the drag. My body wanted to collapse sometimes. I was sleeping in more, napping more and ready to go to bed sooner. Not to mention, my body probably has been going through some phyical and exhausting changes as well...on top of the spiritual battle.
My prayer life has changed. I feel drained after praying, physically drained. I feel like I can't "shout" out my plea loud enough, I can't ask too much. I realize what David meant when He asked God in the Psalms if He could hear his plea? At times I would think...well, of course He hears...He's GOD! But, I also knew that it's a human plea...it's desperation for God to hear...to be connected to Him. I could argue that point, and understand it..but it's become much more real to me now.
By the end of the day, my brain can't even focus enough to know the words to speak when I pray. I just...pray...without words. REALLY excercising faith...without words.
At times like that, I'm tempted to feel like I'm praying incompetently. But, I'm not. I'm reminded of this passage...especially the verse in bold. But, oh, does this whole passage touch my heart in so many ways.
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.
Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."