Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Faith Without Words

Faith, I've realized these past 3 weeks, is exhausting. I mean, I've had to excercise faith for a certain circumstance before, and everyday, we live by faith. But, lately...I've been taken to a completely new level of faith. bootcamp...or something. It's strenuous.

Perhaps I can look back to other trying times in my Christian experience, and realize how it was physically tiring to go through that...actually, I can...and I shouldn't be surprised, but it's been so long...and here I am again, in the thick of it. Thankful for the blessing it is...causing me to need lean on Him. Oh, and I'm so thankful I have Him to lean on. He knows my frame, that it is dust. I need Him when I'm so, so, very tired...and even more so when I think I'm strong!

At the beginning of this new journey of faith, I thought "Hey, this isn't so bad...I mean, faith is trust God." I knew that in my mind, but my spirit would soon catch up and feel the rigor of hardcore, constant faith. After two weeks had passed. Two weeks of waiting, praying, wondering, hoping...I was feeling the drag. My body wanted to collapse sometimes. I was sleeping in more, napping more and ready to go to bed sooner. Not to mention, my body probably has been going through some phyical and exhausting changes as well...on top of the spiritual battle.

My prayer life has changed. I feel drained after praying, physically drained. I feel like I can't "shout" out my plea loud enough, I can't ask too much. I realize what David meant when He asked God in the Psalms if He could hear his plea? At times I would think...well, of course He hears...He's GOD! But, I also knew that it's a human's desperation for God to be connected to Him. I could argue that point, and understand it..but it's become much more real to me now.

By the end of the day, my brain can't even focus enough to know the words to speak when I pray. I just...pray...without words. REALLY excercising faith...without words.

At times like that, I'm tempted to feel like I'm praying incompetently. But, I'm not. I'm reminded of this passage...especially the verse in bold. But, oh, does this whole passage touch my heart in so many ways.

Romans 8:18-28

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."


Katie@The Baby Factory said...

I can't say that I "know what you mean" because I have no idea, but I was reading Jess Johnson's blog tonight and she was talking about how she has to declare to her heart daily that God is faithful, although it's not that she's forgotten that He IS, it's just that it doesn't come naturally as she thought it used to.
It reminded me, and you've reminded me that a) there is soooo much I take for granted and b) God wants us to dig deep into our faith in him not just the surface of "knowing He's faithful".
Praying for you

Heather said...

I'm praying for you, Sarah! I've had situations in my life that have needed faith to be exercised, but I have to say it hasn't been like what you are dealing with. I pray for the Lord to give you grace-- His grace--- His sufficient grace. I will continue to pray for you and your family. Even though you are facing a difficult situation/trial right now, thank you for being a blessing in your words. God is using you. God is good- even though the circumstances in our eyes may not look good. Thank you for being a blessing... to me.
Heather--- Susie Chilcote's friend

HonorMommy said...

Sarah I am praying for you and your family.

This post really hit home for me. I know how you feel. When Samuel was in the hospital last February and we weren't sure whether or not God was going to take him home, I had many wordless prayers. Actually, your posts made me go back and look at my blog from that time, and I thought that it might be encouraging to read about the prayers I here is an excerpt of that particular post, which you already read :-D...of course, if you're not in the mood to cry, stop reading

It amazes me how God uses the difficult times in your life to bring you closer to Him. I found myself comparing myself to Job a lot during my stay. I find it VERY easy to thank God for all of the blessings in my life--I have a wonderful life! But there were times when I wondered if I would truly continue to thank God and praise Him if things weren't so "perfect". During this whole ordeal, I felt closer to God then I had in a long time. A lot of that was due to the prayers of friends, family and even strangers. THANK YOU!!! But I also had wonderful heart-to-hearts with God...especially Saturday morning before the surgery. God woke me up an hour before they were to come in to draw pre-operation blood from Samuel. It was fairly quiet for once in the area we were in and Samuel was sleeping soundly so I prayed. I poured out my heart to Him. I told Him that I honestly didn't know how to pray about this so I would pretend it was another family and prayed that God would comfort me, and that if it was His Will, that He would heal Samuel. Which made me truly look at my heart. What would I do if it wasn't His Will to heal Samuel? It was at that moment that I made the choice--I was going to praise God no matter the outcome. Why? Because God is Good ALL THE TIME. If He had chosen to take Samuel home early, I would have praised Him because He would have taken Samuel away from all of the horrors that are here on earth. At the same time I BEGGED Him not to take him because I wasn't ready to give Samuel up. But we had dedicated Samuel to God--we have given Samuel to Him, however God wants to use him, and if that meant with his death, I was ready to accept that. And when I made that conscious choice (and I was very serious), THAT was when I finally felt comforted and felt peace. And it was immediate. I had placed Samuel's life completely in God's VERY capable hands and I no longer worried about the outcome. Of course I am thankful that the outcome was "good", but the point was, no matter what the outcome, it would have been good. Because God is Good ALL THE TIME. What a wonderful blessing to be able to place my trust solely on the only one worthy of that trust!


May God give you comfort this day. You will be in my prayers continually today.

cybil said...

Sarah, I keep on praying for this precious little one inside of you.
GOD is the great inventer and bringer of life (you know I'm German, so pls don't mind if that's not correct grammar).
I trust he WANTS this little one to live!!

Kisses from Geneva

Carrie said...

Oh, Sarah- thanks so much for sharing so openly about this painful journey of faith God has you on! I am praying for you and know God will continue to bless and grow you.

MarshaMarshaMarsha said...

I am praying for you and your precious baby, Sarah!

It is in our weakness that we learn to rely on God's strength. Hang in there, my friend. Lean on Him. And even when you pray without words, He KNOWS.

"Our might is His Almightiness."

cybil said...

How are you? thinking of you and the little one!
greetings from switzerland,

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