Not in Despair

The ultrasound was today. This was also the orginal appointment for my OB workup. But, because there was no sign of baby in the ultrasound, Doc decided against the regular appt. and said we can either wait, or do a D&C. Again, we're waiting. We were disappointed, of course, but not in despair. God is STILL good. God is ALWAYS good. We're basically in the same position we were this past week. Waiting and praying...hoping and relying. So, strangely, I don't feel a sinking feeling, but that we just have to keep pressing on, trusting God, until one thing or the other happens...it's exhausting, but stregnthening all at once.

One of my friends commented on my Facebook that she's praying for us and that she understands we must be struggling. Yes. This IS a stuggle. A struggle that, I'm sure, will bring glory to God and build our faith. Priceless gifts from God.

Here was my response to her.

"It is hard...but perhaps not as hard as it may be if there is a miscarriage. Right now, I'm just taking things in stride. Keeping life normal. Doing all the regular things. Not letting this be a source of depression...not letting the fear or worries linger, but relying on the strength of the Lord, and trying to remain joyful through all the waiting. No doubt, there have been tears...and deep moments of desperate cries to God. Thank you so much for praying...my heart is encouraged just knowing that. ♥"

I can still only imagine the deep pain and grief that will come with a miscarriage. I'm on the brink of it daily. I've said before, that as soon as you see that "positive" sign on the pregnancy test, you're attached, physically, emotionally, and mentally to this life that is in you. Separation (even at birth...I know...strange, but I did have an "empty" feeling -no pun intended - when Josefine was no longer ACTUALLY a physical part of me) is NEVER, EVER easy, no matter what stage.

I've been thinking about this verse today.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

Thank you for your continued prayers and labor of faith with me. I'm so overwhelmingly grateful.